Sharing the pastor’s bed

in a most-decidedly Biblical way

Will and Winnie had been pastoring for several years over near Flat Lick. The village had been named by settlers for a nearby salty rock that animals enjoyed licking. The name seemed to suit the locals. There was a certain level of assurance, a certainty actually, in the way it rolled off the tongue. Flat Lick.

The church provide a modest salary and a parsonage. The parsonage was ranch style, with three bedrooms, two baths, a sizable living room, dining room, and a large, connected two-car garage. At 2400 square feet it was one of the nicer area homes.

Living with them was a former divinity student, J. Bob Thomas. He was struggling to make ends meet after the death of his family in a car crash. Will and Winnie felt bad for his loss, and had invited him to live in the parsonage, as they had two spare bedrooms and no kids. In an unspoken exchange, J. Bob helped out around the house, and led the singing during the church services. Along with side jobs of lawn mowing and part-time janitoring, J. Bob occasionally taught Sunday School.

J. Bob was a welcome break from the routine for Will and Winnie. No one knew that they had troubles in their marriage. Performance issues. J. Bob didn’t know either. But he helped because he was a diversion, and he also had a sense of humor that was always seeing the shiny side of a dirty coin. And Will and Winnie loved to laugh.

One day, as the three were returning from a grocery store run, they drove by a church that had a sign out front. It was one of those little signs that churches put messages or scripture sayings on. Today’s message was a bit drab, and J. Bob had joked that churches really needed to step up their game a little.

“Well, what would you suggest, J. Bob?” said Will as he glanced over his shoulder from the steering wheel.

“If it feels good, do it!” came J. Bob’s spontaneous reply.

Will and Winnie erupted into immediate laughter. Hysterical laughter, actually. Not just because of the quip, but also because the robes of the Lord sometimes seemed to fit a little too tight. What with all the weight gain, and what not.

J. Bob wasn’t wild. He’d done a little drinking with the kids back in high school, and that was about it. Although there was that recent date with Billie Jo. She was a high school Phys. Ed. instructor. She was taller than most men, athletic, curvy and knew how to tame a trampoline. And every man for 50 miles around gave her a double-barreled shotgun stare whenever they saw her walking by. She had a walk, too.

So when Billie Jo and J.Bob headed off to the movies one night, and she pulled out a joint of Acapulco Gold, J.Bob partook. But he wasn’t used to the strength. And so he panicked when he started to feel his own heartbeat pounding away. And yelled at Billie Jo that he was going to die, that he was having a heart attack, and what with her being the daughter of the town doctor, dammit, she’d better get him to an ER right now. The rest of the night didn’t go so well. And there were no future dates. Even though J. Bob tried, several times actually.

And so yeah, as it turns out, even though Will and Winnie were laughing a bit too much, J.Bob kind of blew it off. Until when, about three weeks later, Will and Winnie unexpectedly invited him into their bed.

Like his recent date with Billie Jo, the rest of that night didn’t go well either. It became a bit awkward.

And it wasn’t long before J.Bob rented an old 1940s single-wide mobile home. It was only about 30 feet long, and only about $35 a month. It was so small that he brought in the only used furniture that would fit- a bed, a small dresser, a single swivel chair and a TV with rabbit ears. And just like that, he set up camp next to the creek.